Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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