So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
