I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
