Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
