Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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