Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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