So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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