i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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