dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
