I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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