I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is Oprah even human
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
