My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
