I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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