She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
