Cold hands, warm shart.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
