In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
