i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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