Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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