Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
