yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
