I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
