I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize