Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
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