You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
