When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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