Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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