I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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