Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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