do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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