I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
