Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
