Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
