Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
