The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
