I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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