That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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