if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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