I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
