well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
