I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
