it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
