Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
