Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
