Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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