Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize