I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How's work?
Spinning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
