thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
