i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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