It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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