you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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