i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
