she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
