So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize