end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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