Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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