you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
