How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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