I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
