Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
