I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
there is glitter all over my balls
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
