summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
