I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
