if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
