She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
bring money and cleavage
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize