yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
