i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
