He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
