So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
