Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
