i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
