So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
