YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
