Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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