After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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