Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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